Hulks smash badminton birdies

The birdie whizzed through the air only to hit the floor with a loud boom. Spectators looked on with hanging mouths and wide eyes, befuddled by the sight in front of them.

No one expected to see a small, little piece of sports equipment that barely weighs over five grams to create a crater the size of a minivan in the gym floor.

Prior to this, badminton games all included games where the birdie tore through the stitching of the net. After weeks of investigation, administrators finally determined the culprit behind the situation: steroids.

Dozens of badminton players have been suspected of taking steroids that turn them into “Hulk” players.

“Of course I didn’t take any steroids, but it’s understandable why people would want to. Our team has been losing nearly every single game, and it has really been killing our morale. Any kind of help could make things a lot better,” an anonymous badminton player said.

In order to punish abusers of the drug and set an example for other sports teams, all badminton players must now pass a detailed drug test in order to qualify for any future badminton games. Those who fail the tests will face harsh consequences.

The administrators are also threatening to send any student, from any sport or activity, to jail if they are caught with or using steroids.

Badminton players defend their decision by arguing, “Badminton is just like any other sport in terms of competitivity. If this was football, no one would be questioning our motives. None of the players wanted to be the reason the team gets a bad reputation. We have to do what we have to do.”

“It’s just badminton. I just don’t understand why students would even need steroids for a sport like this,” said an assistant principal.