When the dungeon master destroys your master plan

A dragon lashes back at our heroes ferociously, defending its golden horde and pride. Our heroes strike back by blade and spell, slaying the dragon at last!

In Dungeons and Dragons Club, you can do such a thing. It’s a laidback, mostly self-managing club where you can bring friends (or find new friends) to a table and just start playing D&D — an exciting, and rather nerdy game of luck, cunning, and math.

Founded by Ivan Reaves in 2022, find the club at room 711 and find new friends to play D&D, every Tuesday and Thursday during lunch.

Okay, but what fun could I possibly have with a handful of esoterically shaped dice, three big rulebooks, a bunch of paper, two to four friends, and some weird dude behind a fancy test barrier? As the name says; delve into dungeons, and slay dragons.

As stated, D&D is a rather nerdy game. It can easily take up to an hour or two for players to write down their first characters if they’re sufficiently pedantic. Being pedantic is what will let you win in every campaign. There are 13 character classes, all with their own subclasses, of which can still be refined with numerous capability and aptitude options, and there are nine fantasy races, most having their own subspecies as well.

All of this is picked and chosen into the ideal character the person would like to play, with the Dungeon Master (DM), having the rulebooks memorized to determine if your abstract mental gymnastics should allow your level one human rogue to start with an antimatter rifle. The following is a summarized argument with my DM, John Trainer, that lasted for a week, as an example for these loopholes that a player would think up.

“You said we are allowed to start with one common item. The antimatter rifle is labeled as a common item,” I announced. For reference, the antimatter rifle effectively shoots with the damage of a high level concentrated fireball for free, usable every time you are actionable.

“You’re living in the medieval ages,” John futilely argued back.

“I was an archmage living in a cave for the last hundred years and advanced technology centuries into the future for myself,” I said to utilize my backstory to my advantage.

“You start at level one,” John informs. No archmage is at level one.

“I was the archmage’s apprentice sent out into the world with their antimatter rifle,” I say, with satisfaction of my completely foolproof loophole.

“The rifle is irrevocably cursed by the gods to deal 6d8 necrotic damage to its user in an explosion that destroys itself. It cannot be used in the distance as a grenade with mage hand or other rigs, and isn’t sufficiently unstable to be used like an IED. No one is dumb enough to buy it, or use it by deceit, intimidation, or persuasion,” John states. 6d8 is a D&D abbreviation for rolling six eight-sided dice.

Alas, the DM’s word is law in D&D.