CVHS seagulls protests mask mandates

A new virus strand of the Avian flu, also known as the bird flu, has taken over the world, forcing birds to mask up. Angry seagulls have flocked to the streets due to the mask mandates.

These flocks have wreaked havoc on bird highways, causing migrations to fly off course and scare many residents. However, some birds have also joined the seagull’s anti-mask stance, claiming that the mask mandates cause difficulty breathing in high elevations and oppress their bird rights. 

Seagulls who oppose the mask mandate also claim that the bird flu is similar to the common cold and the illness has been greatly exaggerated.

Some experts also believe that disapproval of masks may stem from conspiracies about government control using bird spies. According to theorists, many anti-masking seagulls may find other birds suspicious when they cover half their faces with the masks. Other theories include lacing masks with chemicals that weaken their flight capabilities and inputting tracking devices into the fibers of the mask.

These theories, combined with frustrations of social distancing, have motivated anti-masking seagulls to emerge and speak out about the oppression and dangers of masks. 

Many seagulls at CVHS have disregarded the social distancing rule in favor of fighting over food scraps. As other birds follow in their footsteps, this may lead to higher risks of contracting the bird flu.