Nastya’s Tale, Part 2: “You can cry, but it won’t stop the war”

Editor’s note: Nastya, an 18-year-old Ukrainian, shares an inside look at Russia’s invasion through her friend Leah Janaway.

I spoke to Nastya again over Zoom on Friday, March 4. I noticed the wall behind her was a different one than normal, and she said she can no longer sit at the desk in her room because it’s close to a window, and it’s not safe to be by windows anymore because at any moment they could shatter due to an explosion.

I asked her how she and her family were doing, with an admirably positive attitude she said, “We’re good. We can’t live like how we did before [the war], but being at home is much better than being underground or hiding in a bomb shelter.” 

University is halted for two weeks for Nastya, but she knows the hiatus will undoubtedly be lengthened due to the situation in her city and in the country as a whole. Odessa has set a curfew from 7 p.m. to 6 a.m. every day. Air raid sirens sound often and without warning, and the most explosions occur within the night hours of the curfew.

“My city is completely different from the way it was before,” Nastya told me. “People are afraid of going outside because we have at least three sirens a day and we need to hide. There are lots of police officers with weapons, too, which is scary even though they’re here to protect us.”

During the hours she is allowed to go out, Nastya goes on walks with her dog Archie and occasionally goes shopping for groceries with her parents. At night, they hardly sleep because of the sounds.

“We can hear explosions—they’re not near my building, but we can still hear them. Last night there were sirens,” she said. Sleep deprivation just adds to their building anxiety over the situation.

Despite this, Nastya continues to astound me with her ability to remain cheery and positive. There are a few tactics she uses to distract herself during their many hours spent at home. 

“I’m trying to crochet toys,” she said. “I’m crocheting a unicorn right now, and I hope I can finish it before we have to leave my city because I won’t be able to take any yarn with me. Also—” she laughed “—I’m trying to prepare for my exams. My parents told me that my exams probably won’t be occurring at all, but I’m scared to forget my English and lose those skills.” 

I told her I admire her refusal to let the anxiety of the news consume her, and she said, “I try to be strong. I’m not crying all day. My parents are worried about me, and I try to convince them that everything is okay. I don’t see any point for me to cry because my mom is already crying, and it won’t improve the situation. You can cry, but it won’t stop the war.”

She thoughtfully added, “I was less brave before this. The war has made everyone older than their real age because we understand that at any moment we could die, so we need to be strong.”

More than two million people have now fled Ukraine as refugees. Nastya is still in Odessa, and she plans to stay until she’s no longer able to.

“Odessa is the safest place for us right now,” she told me. If they went through the extremely difficult journey to another city, it would only be a matter of time before that city is targeted too, and she refuses to leave the country because her dad would be sent to the Ukrainian military. 

At one point in our conversation, she looked across the room and said something in Ukrainian. Unthinkingly, I asked her what she’d said. 

“I said, ‘Mom, don’t cry,’” Nastya replied. “She’s reading the news and crying all day long. My dad and I are trying to protect her from the news, but it’s impossible because it’s everywhere.”

On top of everything else, basic necessities are running out in stores and there may not be restocks in the near future.

“Today when we returned back home there was a man searching for cigarettes,” Nastya said. “There weren’t suitable ones for him, so he asked the seller if there would be more coming and she told him that they will not be getting any more deliveries. Today we had to go to the market far away from our house that still gets deliveries of basic foods—oil, milk, things like that.”

She doesn’t have any more dog food for Archie, but she has been able to share with the other dog owner in her apartment building. Archie has been a good companion to Nastya during this difficult time.

“Archie is a good boy,” she said. “On the first day he was really nervous so we gave him an anti-anxiety pill, but now he’s used to the explosion sounds. I have three more pills, but they are for a more extreme situation.”

For now, Nastya goes about her life as normally as she can despite the situation; her family celebrated her mom’s birthday with a small cake on Friday, and on Wednesday they’ll celebrate her dad’s. 

“I try to keep myself busy—spending time with my family and talking through everything, crocheting, and watching some films and [TV shows],” she told me. “You don’t know if you’re going to wake up tomorrow or not. I try to stay positive.”