We’ve all seen the annoying birds chilling around CVHS, dining on the leftover lunches of students. They’re often spotted flying around, mocking students, and causing chaos. If you’ve ever wondered what inspires these creatures to persistently swarm CVHS everyday, wonder no more, because The Olympian received an amazing opportunity to interview one of these seagulls.
Olympian: Who inspires you to get up every morning and fly?
Seagull: Kanye West is my idol. I love all his music and I might even get a tattoo of his face on my left wing. One time in L.A., my cousin almost pooped on him. I was so jealous!
Olympian: How often do you come to CVHS?
Seagull: Well I’m dating this girl seagull named Rosita and she usually drags me here a lot to have lunch with her human friends. I don’t really care though because a lot of the humans here are pretty fun to torment.
Olympian: Why do you prefer to come to CVHS over other high schools?
Seagull: CVHS just has the perfect smell and the perfect perching places. Plus you guys have way more free food here than other high schools!
Olympian: Can you explain your desire to poop on people?
Seagull: I mean I really just love it. Me and Rosita hold wings while we look for human targets to poop on and it’s really romantic, you should try it sometime! Plus you should see everyone’s faces when we fly over them, it never gets old! Not to mention that me and my friends keep score of how many people we can hit during lunchtime, sometimes we even make bets. Last year, I was so good that I got enough money to go to a Taylor Swift concert!
Olympian: What do you do when you aren’t at CVHS?
Seagull: On the weekends, I like to chill at the beach with my flock and attack people when they walk by. It’s always really good to practice your pooping skills, hopefully one day I can poop on Kanye West myself.
Olympian: What is your biggest secret?
Seagull: Well many of the students of CVHS would be surprised to know that me and my flock actually runs the CvConfessions page on Twitter. We see everything and y’all are nasty.